I have not been able to sleep tonight because I have been crying and thinking about my sisters situation. I just thought about my little nephew and how much he has gone through in his short 7 weeks of life. Ever since he was in the womb at about 25 weeks, he has been pricked with needles, cut open and sewn back together numerous times in numerous locations on his body and has undergone multiple severe and complex surgeries ranging from in the womb surgery due to his Arnold-Chari malformation to brain surgery and installing a shunt from his brain down to his stomach.
These past few days have been extremely difficult for my family, especially my sister and her husband. These past few days have made all the others seem like a walk in the park. Calvin stopped breathing two days ago and my sister was forced to perform mouth to mouth on her precious little baby to revive him. She brought him back and he has been in the ICU ever since with a tube down his throat acting as a substitute for his lungs. They've tried taking out his tubes on numerous occasions hoping he would be strong enough to have the energy to breath on his own, but every time it ends in failure and Calvin starts to turn blue.
I was thinking of what my sister must possibly be going through and feeling. I'm not a mother myself yet, but I can only imagine the pain, anguish and sorrow she must be feeling watching helplessly as her sons undergoes test after test with doctors telling her results are inconclusive and when and how he will recover. I ache for her and sincerly wish I could take away that sorrow and anguish. I felt a glimpse of how the Savior felt when he wanted to take all the pain and sorrow away from all his brothers and sisters. Because of that tremendous love, he atoned for us and because of that atonement, we can feel comfort, peace and hope in times of great sorrow. I wish for my sister and her husband to feel that hope. I hope for them to be at peace and to have hope that their beautiful, precious son will recover quickly. I wish they can have the hope to know they can hold their son again without being in a hospital with him hooked up to machines. I pray for them to have hope that one day, their son will be able to walk and tell tell them how grateful he is for their love and dedication to him.
I have always looked up to my big sister and there were even times in my youth when I wished I could've been her. Nothing has changed in how I view my sister now. At this time, I have never been more proud to have a big sister who shows such love and courage in such a horrific circumstance. She has had quite a few tough patches these past couple months- it seems like she's constantly getting kicked down but she is trying to get back up after every trial and obstacle she faces. She is dealing with the situation as best she can and she is staying strong for Calvin, for Nate and for the rest of us.
I have been asking myself a lot lately, "Why Cami? Why does she have to endure all these trials? Why does she have to have all these bad things happen to her? Why can't she catch a break?" I then remember that the Lord will never give us anything we can't handle. Cami has never given up and she is one of the strongest women I know, she can overcome these trials because she is strong even in the worst of circumstances.
I haven't been able to talk to my sister these past couple days, even though I have tried to call to give her my inexperienced, naive advice of how to deal with the situation. I just want her to know that I support her and that I love her so much. I am praying for her son to breath on his own and open his eyes and give her a reassuring smile that says, "Mom, I'm gonna be just fine. Thank you for staying by my side. I love you." Stay strong Cami, you are truly an inspiring woman and we are all praying for you and Calvin.
